Hey, what's up blog?

I'm having kind of a bad day...no week...no month...well, year.

I don't what's happened to me, but I feel like by the day things are just getting worse for me in every aspect.

I'm gaining weight by the week, my work quality is declining (I've been awfully distracted somehow), I haven't been saving enough money, in fact, I've been spending so much in I donno what... And I haven't been fostering any of my friendships, honestly...

I've been floating through the days, kind of.

Should I go back to gymming? Getting back my momentum? Honestly I MISS gym so god damn much. I mean, it's not even the workouts that I used to regularly get. It's more the sense of routine - like I have a fixed schedule for my life.

Honestly, when I was gymming, those was the best days of my life.

I had control over how I wanted my day to go - because I wasn't committed to any friendship or any relationship (I sound like such a loner wtf), I felt healthier and slimmer, I didn't eat that much because I wanted to make my workouts worth it, hence I didn't spend that much (seriously, the bulk of my spending goes to food), and generally I just felt more...complete.

Right now it seems like I'm not doing anything right. I'm not working out, I'm not saving money, I'm not losing weight, I'm not excelling at work. The only saving grace is probably that...OMG I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of a saving grace and THERE JUST ISN'T ANY.

You know what. I think I've made up my mind. I have GOT to get my life together. I don't care if it's an extra expense, I don't care that I have to socialise during my me-time, I have GOT to go back to gym. I've just GOT to. I cannot stay like this forever. I CANNOT.

I used to be sub-62kg, which already pissed me off to NO END because I tried to hard to go sub-60kg...and now? It's a struggle to get to even sub-65kg!!!

I HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

I NEED TO GET MY ACT BACK TOGETHER.

I MUST EXERCISE MORE AND SAVE MORE MONEY.

I just REALLY NEED TO.

My memory has been getting worse by the day as well and honestly that has been freaking me out. Because I think my good memory is what sustains me as a person. If I lose this good skill, I might as well just kill myself, honestly!!!

On a side note, here's a to-do list I found back in March 2017 which I think would be quite interesting to share, considering the current situation:

MARCH 2017 TO-DO LIST

1. Get a job that I like. - I've managed this! I am >2 years into my new job and I absolutely love every single day of it!

2. Lose at least 4kg. (1kg per week!) - CAN YOU IMAGINE?! My goal weight used to be 4KG AWAY and now it's a staggering 7kg WTF

3. Clear out the clutter in my room (in my wardrobe, shelves, table etc) and keep it that way. - So far so good...

4. Have better skin. - I would say I've managed this as well... Ever since my colleague introduced to me the GOD OINTMENT for pimples, I've rarely had any bad breakouts except the monthly period zit tbh

5. Clear out the clutter in my car and keep it that way. - This is okay too!

Look! Everything was going so well in 2018 (even though, or should I say, because I was going through a bad breakup then) as I was losing weight by the day (at one point I even hit 59kg!!!) and I fell into the great wake-work-workout routine but in 2019, everything just kind of fell apart!!!

I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK!

I will restart my gym membership next month, in July!!!

JUST MUST!!!!!!!!

Hi I'm back again. And I'm in a little bit of a problem.

I'm finding it extremely difficult to control my food intake and as a result I feel like I'm piling on the pounds wtf

I don't know why it's gotten so much more difficult this time than before. Is it because I've gotten older? And I have lesser self-control and less determination than when I was younger?

Previously I had no problem saying no to fattening food, or just food in general. And I remember finding it very easy to just say no when I'd had enough, or just saying no to that particular food because I knew that it was unhealthy.

This time round though I keep giving in to temptation, keep having this 'eat now, diet later' attitude that is clearly plummeting me into this weight-gaining abyss!!! HOW!!!

I've got to make up my mind man omg... I'm not young anymore!!! I WANNA LOOK PRETTY LAH!!!

So from today onwards I'm gonna only eat ONE MEAL for the entire day!!! I don't care if I starve, I don't care if it's a celebration a weekend a party or a whatever, I NEED TO CONTROL!!!

I need to get back into my groove! NOW NOW NOW

Please wish me luck omg................

Knock knock...Hello. Well, this is kind of awkward... You remember in the last post where I mentioned that I will be back in April for a compulsory post... Yeah...

It's May now.

In 2019. WTF

I'm sorry! This is getting extremely embarrassing. Number one, I keep promising to blog but I never do, no matter how hopeful and optimistic I sound in my last post, and number two, since basically nobody knows this blog exists except me, I'm essentially just apologising to myself for not blogging wtf

ANYWAY. Enough talk about how irresponsible I am about blogging (I said I was sorry!!!), let's get on with what kind of updates I have since my last post. Yeah, TWO YEARS worth wtf

So um... I have a new boyfriend wtf. I guess that's worth mentioning. And uh, I have new job which is I guess no longer new since I've been with them for 2 years plus now wtf but my bf is new I swear! I have only been with him for... I guess 10 months. Is that new?

And so uh, I have officially gained 3kg. And I say officially because my weight was always fluctuating 2-3kg up and down for the past two years ie I've always been ballooning between 61-63kg but now it seems like 64kg is the minimum weight that I will be at, the highest being 66kg WTF

Tell me for real guys, will my weight ever go down to sub-60? Yes? Anyone...?

I feel like the only time I ever feel the urge to properly blog, or should I say, sit down to actually write a blog, is when I have lost weight or when I desperately need some motivation TO lose weight. I guess from the previous paragraph we know which it is this time...

SO! I've been trying my VERY EXTREME best to not have any sweetened drinks because unfortunately ever since I got attached to my bf, I've gotten accustomed to having bubble tea, juices, coffee (tho unsweetened but still fattening), etc etc when previously I (thought I) had already gotten rid of this nasty habit ever since I returned slimmer from Korea!

So far I have not seen any success but I guess it's because I've only started one week ago... BUT IT'S OK! I'm optimistic!!! I could lose 15kg before I can do it again now!!!

HOLD ME TO MY WORDS, BLOG!

Okay, I'm sure you can tell that I've suddenly lost the muse to blog so I'm gonna end this here but!!!

WHEN I COME BACK I WILL BE BACK TO 62KG I SWEAR!!! THE LASTEST BY 20 MAY!!!

WATCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!