I'm having kind of a bad day...no week...no month...well, year.
I don't what's happened to me, but I feel like by the day things are just getting worse for me in every aspect.
I'm gaining weight by the week, my work quality is declining (I've been awfully distracted somehow), I haven't been saving enough money, in fact, I've been spending so much in I donno what... And I haven't been fostering any of my friendships, honestly...
I've been floating through the days, kind of.
Should I go back to gymming? Getting back my momentum? Honestly I MISS gym so god damn much. I mean, it's not even the workouts that I used to regularly get. It's more the sense of routine - like I have a fixed schedule for my life.
Honestly, when I was gymming, those was the best days of my life.
I had control over how I wanted my day to go - because I wasn't committed to any friendship or any relationship (I sound like such a loner wtf), I felt healthier and slimmer, I didn't eat that much because I wanted to make my workouts worth it, hence I didn't spend that much (seriously, the bulk of my spending goes to food), and generally I just felt more...complete.
Right now it seems like I'm not doing anything right. I'm not working out, I'm not saving money, I'm not losing weight, I'm not excelling at work. The only saving grace is probably that...OMG I just sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of a saving grace and THERE JUST ISN'T ANY.
You know what. I think I've made up my mind. I have GOT to get my life together. I don't care if it's an extra expense, I don't care that I have to socialise during my me-time, I have GOT to go back to gym. I've just GOT to. I cannot stay like this forever. I CANNOT.
I used to be sub-62kg, which already pissed me off to NO END because I tried to hard to go sub-60kg...and now? It's a struggle to get to even sub-65kg!!!
I HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
I NEED TO GET MY ACT BACK TOGETHER.
I MUST EXERCISE MORE AND SAVE MORE MONEY.
I just REALLY NEED TO.
My memory has been getting worse by the day as well and honestly that has been freaking me out. Because I think my good memory is what sustains me as a person. If I lose this good skill, I might as well just kill myself, honestly!!!
On a side note, here's a to-do list I found back in March 2017 which I think would be quite interesting to share, considering the current situation:
MARCH 2017 TO-DO LIST
1. Get a job that I like. - I've managed this! I am >2 years into my new job and I absolutely love every single day of it!
2. Lose at least 4kg. (1kg per week!) - CAN YOU IMAGINE?! My goal weight used to be 4KG AWAY and now it's a staggering 7kg WTF
3. Clear out the clutter in my room (in my wardrobe, shelves, table etc) and keep it that way. - So far so good...
4. Have better skin. - I would say I've managed this as well... Ever since my colleague introduced to me the GOD OINTMENT for pimples, I've rarely had any bad breakouts except the monthly period zit tbh
5. Clear out the clutter in my car and keep it that way. - This is okay too!
Look! Everything was going so well in 2018 (even though, or should I say, because I was going through a bad breakup then) as I was losing weight by the day (at one point I even hit 59kg!!!) and I fell into the great wake-work-workout routine but in 2019, everything just kind of fell apart!!!
I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK!
I will restart my gym membership next month, in July!!!
JUST MUST!!!!!!!!
